Quotes

“Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no! Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you! And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok? Because… it's true! ‘Cause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is.”
Eddie Izzard


“MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.”
Eddie Izzard

“I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees... putting on make-up when you're up there!”
Eddie Izzard

"Make-up's just crazy anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them... until uhh... well, until you killed them all."
Eddie Izzard

"So... Uh... I'd better explain the tits. Umm...didn’t have those at school. Wanted to, but not in the school curriculum...even though I asked."
Eddie Izzard

"If God wrote the Bible, the first sentence should surely be...it's ROUND!"
Eddie Izzard

"Women have this vast variety of lingerie, stockings and tights and different patterns, and shoes, with different-sized heels, in red and black, and skirts - short, long, with slits - push-the-boob things … there's so much around in women's things that is erotic. While men have: shirt shirt shirt jumper shirt jumper jacket jumper shirt jacket trousers trousers shirt trousers flat shoes."
Eddie Izzard

quotes

"Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone." -Louis L'Amour

"The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." - Henry Miller

"Here and now contains eternity." - Taisen Deshimary

"He who binds himself to joy,
Does the winged life destroy;
He who kisses the Joy as it flies,
Lives in Eternity's sunrise."
-William blake

"Life just is. You have to flow with it. Give yourself to the moment. Let it happen."
-Jerry Brown

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett, Discworld

"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

"All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else."
H. L. Mencken
US editor (1880 - 1956)

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."
H. L. Mencken


"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard."
H. L. Mencken


"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry."
H. L. Mencken

"Man is never honestly the fatalist, nor even the stoic. He fights his fate, often desperately. He is forever entering bold exceptions to the rulings of the bench of gods. This fighting, no doubt, makes for human progress, for it favors the strong and the brave. It also makes for beauty, for lesser men try to escape from a hopeless and intolerable world by creating a more lovely one of their own."
H. L. Mencken

"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)"
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Hmm

I had a great date the other night with a man and his wife.

I am still trying to analyze the whole thing, and probably it really doesn't need analyzed. I got spanked - a lot - and I was giggling through the whole thing. It was too much fun.

I mean that it was fun for me to get spanked, yes it hurt and, yes I enjoyed that hurt. I'm still enjoying it days later. The thing is I have been really hurt before (broken bones , stitches and operations) and this was nothing comparatively. Yeah it stung , but heck it wasnt like it was something I didnt have any control over.

I was more tired than I realized going home though. I wish (in a lot of ways ) that I was totally female though. Because even when a woman looks like crap, even when she is without hair and makeup she is still a woman.

He wasn't like "call me sir" or anything, it was really casual. At the end I ended up with hugs and going home, but WOW!! what a date!

Dysphoria

Gender Identity Disorder(GID) -

1. A disorder in which a male or female feels a strong identification with the opposite sex(Web MD.)
2. Disorder in which there is a deeply felt incongruence between anatomic sex and the sensed gender; transsexualism and gender identity disorder of childhood are examples.(Davison/ Abnormal Psychology, Canadian Edition.)
3. Is the formal diagnosis used by psychologists and physicians to describe persons who experience significant gender dysphoria (discontent with the biological sex they were born with). It is a psychiatric classification and describes the problems related to transexuality, transgender identity, and transvestism. It is the diagnostic classification most commonly applied to transexuals.

So that last definition was kind of different, in that it listed Gender Dysphoria as part and parcel of GID. Today I would like to talk about the feelings I have surrounding MY gender dysphoria. This may or may not be applicable to other trans women or men, as it only reflects my personal experience with it.

It sort of begins way down in my gut, somewhere below my heart. Feels like a discontent, almost like an itch you cant scratch, or a lump in your throat. Like the feeling you had when you were a kid and the other kids went somewhere with out you. Like being left out of a group you desperately want to belong to. It also feels like your skin is too tight, too confining, too restrictive. A deep restlessness.

Sometimes it only is an itch, other times it can drive you to tears. And always in the back of your head there is that thought/feeling of 'I should be female(male.)' That thought is always with us, its like a song you cant shake out of your head, the lyrics keep replaying themselves in your memory. You know what your body is on the outside, but on the inside it feels all wrong. You may even be able to recognize that you don't look horrible as your natal sex. At its worse you can feel like there is no point to life, at its best you'll be able to push it aside for a while and think about other things.

Many transexuals do just that (push it aside) for the majority of their lives. While they pursue hobbies, careers and other , entirely male(or female) lives. Still the thoughts persist, pushing at the back of your consciousness. Some of us struggle with these feelings without ever realizing what they are, entirely while others recognize the need to be female at an early age. Just like anything in the human experience, there are always exceptions to the rules.

I hope that gives those of you who read this some idea of what its like

Me & Work

So as many know already I am TS

What does that mean?

TS- transsexual- is a type of transgendered person. Like a subset of a larger group. If you say Human as the larger group one subset would be woman, a further subset would be transsexual woman, further subset might be Caucasian transsexual woman.

OK so that is one way of looking at me, right?

But there are others as well - Bisexual - Engineering Technician - and so on.

Lets talk about being a Engineering Technician for a bit. I work in the construction industry, and I am sure that were I to come out as trans one of two things would happen.

Case A: I come out and then I am harassed into leaving. this is actually the better of the two cases. Hopefully I would find gainful employment elsewhere. I t would also help to have a war chest to pay for other needs during the time between jobs.

Case B: I come out and then am killed for being trans. I know a stretch , right? Still it is the construction industry and accidents do happen.

So here am I , hanging on with both hands, praying for some way to be shown to me that I haven't seen. I don't say this to garner sympathy, but in order to enlighten.

Because there are a lot of trans women(& men too), who are smart, beautiful( handsome), and talented that cant find jobs that match their training. Who end up in the slum areas. who end up prostituting and being killed or getting some hideous disease and, because they have no choice, passing it on.

So we come to ENDA (Employment Non Discrimination Act.) ENDA is not the be all end all of this situation, but it would sure help. Although it might be noted that Diane Schroer won her case without ENDA. I believe that ENDA could allow for some transsexuals to keep their jobs. Which would help not only them, but also allow them to contribute to society to their full potential. Instead of being a drag on the economy. Or being forced into illegal and dangerous situations.

In some ways the current social and legal situation is a bludgeon being used to rape and kill my sisters and brothers.

Employment is key, and its not that we are untrained or incompetent, it is prejudice and hatred.

In some ways I find it really frustrating. We all need rights, its only basic human rights that we are asking for , nothing "special" about it.

These things are what I think about, why I am where I am. I do not feel like I am safe in my current position, at least not safe enough to transition.